


The Morning After

by spoowriterfic



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 01:10:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21329773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spoowriterfic/pseuds/spoowriterfic
Summary: Set after the team's loss in 302 (the Major Character Death noted in the warnings; no one else dies in this piece).  Waverly wants to be there to support Nicole, but as always Nicole would rather be the rock than need one.
Relationships: Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught
Comments: 1
Kudos: 95





	The Morning After

**Author's Note:**

> After my last story, I was genuinely not sure I had anything else I wanted to explore until we finally get some new episodes.
> 
> And then the other night, my brain very helpfully said, "Hey! Remember how Nicole only let herself cry for a total of about 10 seconds, sniffed a couple of times, and went back into Help Wynonna mode? And remember how, by Christmas time, Nicole dramatically flops onto the bed complaining about her ridiculous outfit but, more importantly, also allows Waverly to talk her through it? Somehow she found a way to be okay with being a little more vulnerable with Waverly."
> 
> And then about an hour later, I had this written in almost its final form.

The day after they buried Dolls dawned bright but frigid.

Waverly woke up to an empty bed and a note on her nightstand that read: _Sorry, baby. Nedley called me in early and I didn’t want to wake you. It was too early to leave you tea but I put some water in the kettle and left it on low so it’ll only take a minute to come to a boil. Love you, Nicole_.

With a charmed smile, Waverly folded the note up and tucked it into the small box in the bottom dresser drawer where she kept all of the little notes Nicole had left for her. Nicole probably didn’t think twice about them, but Waverly kept every single one.

Though she hadn’t ventured downstairs yet, she was somehow certain that Wynonna wasn’t in her bed or even in the house. Wynonna’s presence tended to fill any space that she was in but the house _felt _empty; Waverly could only assume she’d sought refuge with Doc or just in a long drive on her motorcycle through the back roads of Purgatory.

She drifted to the window, looking out in the vain hope that she’d see Nicole’s cruiser driving away or Wynonna’s motorcycle on its way back, but she saw only her Jeep, sitting lonely in the empty space between the barn and the house.

With a sigh, she picked up her phone to call for a tow service for the truck, which none of them had thought to do the day before, only to see a text from Nicole waiting on her lock screen. _Hope this doesn’t wake you. Forgot to put in the note — don’t worry about the truck. I’ll get someone to tow it back to the Homestead. They just hired a new guy, Charlie. He seems pretty handy with that kind of stuff. Plus I’m sure he’ll want to do some favors, if only so he can tell the other guys that he took one for the team._

Waverly’s throat tightened and her eyes burned. Nicole was just so…_good_. So kind and thoughtful.

Her rock.

She’d been so stoic the day before, a few tears trailing down her cheeks as they said their goodbyes, but mostly she’d held Waverly close, protecting her from the cold wind and holding her up when her grief had made her knees shake.

“I love you,” she whispered to the phone’s screen.

Waverly so wanted to type as much as an answer, but she still – _still _– couldn’t get past the mental block she had against saying the words to Nicole’s face. She thought she understood – she had a lifetime of abandonment and loss behind her, sabotaging her – but it was still frustrating to be unable to get past something she herself viewed as ridiculously silly and self-indulgent.

Especially because she believed – she truly believed, for the first time in her life – that Nicole would _stay_.

But she still couldn’t say it.

Instead she just sent: “❤️❤️❤️❤️”

With a sigh, she turned away from the window and began to gather her clothes to shower and change. The sight of several of Nicole’s sweaters, pants, and even a spare uniform hanging next to her clothes in the closet made her smile; they weren’t, precisely, living together because they spent time at both Nicole’s house and the Homestead, but they did spend almost every night together, and the difference between living together and not was getting awfully blurry.

Then she saw the knit cap that Nicole had been wearing the day before at Dolls’s hotel room, and the memory of Nicole’s brief, quickly stifled breakdown made her pick it up and hold it close.

So much had been happening at the time – she’d been caught in her own whirlwind of grief, for one thing, and then there had been the matter of Kate stealing her purse — but now, looking back on it, she realized just how quickly and how thoroughly Nicole had stuffed her obvious anguish deep inside to replace it with her usual veneer of strength and confidence.

Except Waverly knew better.

That one look, brief as it had been, had revealed the depths of Nicole’s grief and, albeit misplaced, guilt.

She glanced again out the window. No Nicole. No Wynonna, either. Both of them had left to deal with their feelings – or not – on their own. They were more alike than either would admit that way.

Waverly sighed, glancing at her phone where Nicole had yet to reply.

* * *

When she got to the station, she found the BBD office empty except for a lonely-looking, forlorn Jeremy, who was playing some sort of fantasy game instead of doing anything productive. He waved at her, attempting a smile, so she walked over to him and gave him a hug from behind.

Neither said anything, but he straightened in his chair as though her mere presence fortified him; he switched back to a topographical map and, presumably, the search for Bulshar.

No sign of Doc – or Wynonna.

Then she walked towards the PPD offices, waving briefly at the dispatch officer as she passed her, only to find the front desk area empty.

Oh.

Lonnie.

She knocked on Nedley’s door, a little shocked when she heard the weariness in his voice as he sighed, “Come on in, Waverly.”

“Hey,” she said, glancing at him in concern. He looked…defeated.

“You lookin’ for Nicole?” he asked. His intonation said he already knew the answer.

Waverly shrugged, debating how much to explain. She was a little hesitant to discuss something so personal with him. He was the closest thing Nicole had to an actual father, but Waverly didn’t know where their boundaries were and she didn’t want to overstep. “Just worried about her. She left before – um, I mean, I haven’t seen her yet today and….” She shrugged again. “Just, after yesterday, I…I wanted to check on her.”

“Well, she’s out on patrol. She volunteered when she got here. Susan is sick, and Lonnie…well, we’re short-staffed, so I said I’d hold down the fort here.”

“Oh.” Waverly couldn’t quite hide her disappointment, or her confusion.

Nedley sighed. “Look. I’m…not good with this kinda stuff, kid. But I think….”

But before he even completed the thought, Waverly realized what it was. “She’s not ready to be strong in front of…us…right now.”

He nodded.

Suddenly the thought of Nicole alone and cold and grieving in her patrol car was too much. She swallowed hard. “Thanks,” she muttered, before she made a beeline for the restroom so no one would see her cry.

The irony of that was not lost on her.

* * *

She busied herself with research in the BBD office until that afternoon, but eventually thought of Nicole alone out there in the cold increasingly haunted her. Soon enough, she could no longer concentrate on the book in front of her and she stretched with a sigh. She and Jeremy had barely said five words to each other all day; Jeremy had seemed deep in thought and she’d been forcing herself to concentrate on translating an ancient text that might give them some clues about Bulshar’s life before Wyatt and the Curse.

“I’m gonna – ” She gestured vaguely towards the station, where Nicole would surely be back by now.

But when she passed by and glanced in, she saw that the station was just as deserted as before, except that the dispatch officer had moved the portable radio and was manning the front desk.

With a sigh, Waverly turned on her heel and walked to her Jeep. Her heart jumped when she heard her phone chime and she glanced down. It wasn’t Nicole, but it _was _a text from Wynonna.

_I’m okay, Baby Girl._

That was all it said, but it was enough.

Meanwhile, there was still no response from Nicole to her heart emojis from earlier in the day, though the message’s status had changed to read several hours before. In the past, Waverly might have taken that personally, but after they’d come through the combined trials of the DNA test and Rosita stronger and more committed to each other than ever, Waverly felt as though their relationship could weather anything.

The question was – could Nicole?

Because the longer her silence lingered, the more concerned for her Waverly became. If Nicole was hiding, chances were that what she was actually hiding was the depth of her emotion.

Which brought about the next logical question – what to do about it?

After sitting in her Jeep for a few minutes thinking about it, Waverly pulled her phone back out and typed out a text. _Hey baby. Hope your day is going okay. I’m done at BBD for the day so I’m going to stop by your place and check on CJ. Any requests for dinner?_

She had just parked in Nicole’s driveway when she got a reply. _You don’t have to do that, Waves_.

Waverly’s heart sank. Not because she felt rejected, the way she might have a few months ago, but because she could see past Nicole’s words to the pain she was trying to spare Waverly from seeing.

_I’m already here and CJ needs food. It’s no trouble, sweetie. Please let me do this for you?_

_I might be late. We’re short. Susan is sick and Lonnie…._

Waverly smiled sadly. _It’s okay. I’ll make something and leave it in the oven for you._She didn’t add that she intended to stick around regardless of any food she ‘left’ in the oven.

Calamity was waiting for her when she opened the front door. It had taken CJ a surprisingly short time, according to Nicole, to become accustomed to Waverly but once she had, she’d grown very attached. CJ meowed and wrapped herself around Waverly’s legs, then backed up and glanced inquiringly at the door. Waverly knelt to pet her and said reassuringly, “She’ll be here later, sweetie. For now you’ll have to put up with me.”

Mollified for the time being, CJ backed up a bit but stayed close as Waverly put her things down and went into the kitchen to see what she had to work with to make dinner.

* * *

She’d made a little nest for herself on the couch so she could reasonably claim to have accidentally fallen asleep. As though she were in on the plan, CJ had agreeably curled up on her hip and, in fact, they’d both dozed off until they heard the crunch of Nicole’s tires on the driveway.

It took a long time for Nicole to come inside.

Waverly felt every second of that delay as though it were an eternity. She wanted to throw open the door and tell Nicole that, whatever she was feeling, it was okay to show it.

To tell Nicole she was strong enough to bear the weight of Nicole’s grief, if even for a few minutes.

Instead, she waited, gently stroking an anxious Calamity’s back to keep her from scratching at the front door to encourage Nicole inside.

Finally, the door creaked open. “Waves?”

Waverly forced herself not to wince; Nicole’s voice was tentative but more than that – it was hoarse, exhausted, weighted down by the same thing that had her hunched forward in her jacket, hands knotted together in front of her.

Waverly made a show of stirring as though she’d just woken up. “Oh, hi, sweetie.” She reached her hand out, beckoning Nicole closer. Counting on the fact that Nicole couldn’t help but react to that.

“I didn’t – ” Nicole exhaled, clearly trying to get ahold of herself. But it was late, and it had been a long day, and suddenly it all came crashing down. “Waves,” she asked, her voice cracking, “why are you…?”

Waverly swallowed hard. She knew she had one chance at this. One chance to plead her case in a way that would make sense to Nicole.

“Nicole,” she said gently, “if you were avoiding me all day because you need time alone to…process…it’s okay. You can just tell me. And I’ll go if you want me to. But if you were doing that because you were trying to spare me – ” Nicole flinched at that, and Waverly knew she’d been right all along. “Baby, I love that you’re so strong. I needed that yesterday. You…you know what it means to me to have someone I know I can count on.”

Nicole swallowed hard and opened her mouth as if to agree, but her voice failed her.

“But, baby, I need something else from you now.”

Nicole’s eyes jerked up towards her. “What…what do you need? What can I – ?”

Waverly gently took Nicole’s face in her hands. “You can show me you know I’m strong enough to be the one to hold _you _up tonight.”

Nicole’s breath hitched.

“Nicole…baby.” Waverly caught her eyes. “Please.” She began to stroke Nicole’s hair. “I’ve always been the…. Nicole, I’m the one people take care of. And sometimes I need that. But sometimes…. Please let me take care of you.”

Nicole exhaled shakily but scooted closer to Waverly on the couch and leaned into the hand she had resting on her cheek.

“Taking care of each other,” Waverly whispered, pulling Nicole closer to her and tucking her head under her chin like she’d done at the motel the day before, “means sometimes letting _me _take care of _you_.”

Suddenly Nicole’s arms snaked out and wrapped around her waist. Her voice was shaking as she choked out, “He was the first person who knew how I felt about you. He teased me about it. In his, you know, Dolls way.”

“Was he?” Waverly murmured, more to keep her talking than anything else.

Nicole sniffled. “He caught me staring. And badmouthing Champ a little. And staring.”

“He was the only person besides you who knows I put peanut butter in my hot and sour soup.” Waverly half-laughed and half-sobbed. “It’s how he knew it was me when…when Mikshun first jumped into Wynonna.”

Nicole rested in Waverly’s arms for a few minutes before looking up. Waverly forced herself not to react when she saw that Nicole’s face was drenched in tears. Instead, grateful that Nicole was letting her see it at all, she just pulled Nicole even closer as Nicole smiled wistfully and asked, “Did he tease you about it?”

“Oh yeah. For such a stoic guy….”

“Yeah,” Nicole sighed. “Damn, I’m gonna miss him.”

“Me too, baby. Me too.”

* * *

The next morning dawned just as cold and just as bright as the day before, but this time Waverly woke up, as she so often did, with Nicole’s hand gently closed around hers. Nicole slept too hot to tolerate Waverly’s mountain of blankets, but she also craved the contact as they slept and pretty much every morning, Waverly woke up to the comforting feel of Nicole’s hand wrapped around her hand or her arm or gently resting on her hip.

It was so much nicer to wake up to Nicole’s affectionate chattiness than a cold bed and a note on her nightstand, as much as she treasured those.

“Morning, Waves,” she said, then added the traditional, joking, “Morning, Bonus Blankets.” Nicole sighed. “Waverly…thank you. You were right. I was trying to…not make you feel worse. I forgot that sometimes it helps to…focus on someone else for a while.”

Waverly smiled gently, tracing Nicole’s jawline with one finger. “That’s all I wanted,” she murmured. “I don’t need to be the strong one all the time. But neither do you, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Promise?”

Nicole leaned over and gave her a sweet, gentle kiss. “I promise, Waves.”

“Okay, then.”

* * *

Later that morning, as Nicole drove them both to the station, Waverly idly browsed the local radio stations when a song came on that made her stop and listen.

_Oh, I love you, love you, love you more each year_

Waverly glanced at Nicole. “Thank you for getting the truck towed,” she said.

_They could strip away the cheer; I’d still be standing here_

“Not a problem at all, Waves.”

_Oh, you gave me, gave me, gave me the greatest gift_

“Well, I appreciate it anyway.”

_I can strike it off my list; I no longer need to wish_

Nicole reached out and took her hand. “You’re welcome, sweetie.”

Waverly smiled, her mind already racing ahead to the coming holidays. Maybe – _maybe _– if she couldn’t _tell _Nicole she loved her…maybe she could sing it to her?

Maybe?

It was worth a try.

She glanced over to Nicole, whose eyes were fixed on the road, concerned, as always, with Waverly’s safety first and foremost. She seemed oblivious to the attention, but then she squeezed the hand she was still holding.

Yeah.

Definitely worth a try.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure what, exactly, it is that draws me to the dynamic of Nicole having to allow people to be strong for her; I think maybe it's because I see a little bit of myself in her -- when there's a crisis, I'm able to turn off my emotions and just power through it because SOMEone has to. And, like I suspect Nicole is, I'm not always great at going back and allowing myself to feel those feelings I tried to ignore.
> 
> I think, too, I'm fascinated in particular with how strong Waverly really is, when on the show most people's default reaction is "MUST PROTECT WAVERLY." I think it can be really powerful to show Nicole at least acknowledging her strength. 
> 
> Also, I am 1000% of the opinion that (1) Waverly tried to tell Nicole "I love you" just before their first time but choked and said "I like you" instead and that (2) Waverly very specifically chose the song she chose for her Christmas dance because it was a way she could say "I love you" without SAYING "I love you".


End file.
